I love Macas. I love the culture and the smallish town feel. I love my family and friends here. Saying I love what I do here is the biggest understatement of my life. I am so happy. I’m not quite ready to leave and if it weren’t for Aaron and Yuki I’m not sure I would. These two weeks have flown by.
My days look very similar to last summer. Wake up, eat and head to the orphanage until lunch. While I am there I struggle through my Spanish (albeit less and less) and split my time between all of the kids and usually have Max hot on my tail. I change diapers (giving the older girls a break) and help feed the babies. I head home for lunch for a couple hours and then back to the orphanage until early evening. I return home eat dinner, text, FaceTime or Skype. I watch an episode of Downton Abbey and crash. Lather, rinse, repeat. I could maintain this schedule for months and be content.
For two days I did get a pleasant break in my routine. Edwin asked if I wanted to invite Max to Hope House to stay for a couple days to give him the experience of being in a home and living with a family. I asked Angelica who manages the orphanage and after a quick conversation it was decided he could come for a couple days from 7:00 in the morning to 6:00 at night. Having Max over was nothing short of fabulous. He was certainly intimidated by the house and all the new faces in it so we retreated to my room where he was happy and comfortable. We napped, enjoyed the new Slingbox (thanks, Aaron!!) to watch cartoons and a Husky basketball game. We spoke a little baby Spanish to each other and played a lot. We cuddled for hours and he ate all of my snacks. He still laughed at me every single time I changed his diapers even as my speed and skills got better. It was priceless time for the two of us to be together and alone. It was a lovely break from my routine and his I would imagine. Napping in the orphanage is never quiet.
In the midst of my simple routine I try and take many moments to fully process what the kids tell me. This isn’t so simple. Before I continue I really have to address how naive I have been since last summer. The older kids I spoke with last summer were mostly there because they were in some sort of transition period. Parents may have not wanted the responsibility of a teenager anymore so they dumped them and the orphanage works to find a family member that is willing take them in. As I mentioned before some had incest in the home (which I have learned is fairly common in the Shuar culture) so they were removed permanently and dad goes to jail (which is next door to the orphanage). All stories are horrible and are a lot to process. I’d assumed that all of the older kids were here in a temporary fashion.
I was sitting on top of the climbing structure with Diana, one of the older girls who lives there. She tends to be a bit of an outlier; when the other girls are dancing or playing soccer she observes from the side and I usually go join her. I asked her how long she had been living there and when she responded with “Cuatro años.” I felt as if the wind had been knocked out of me. I asked her if she knew how long she would live there and she just shrugged. I feared a look of sadness would cross my face so I quickly changed the subject with the hopes it would clear my mind. Max is always an easy subject with the older kids because he is so well liked. She told me she remembered when Max came in as an infant. She also told me that Sergio and Jessica (other little ones) have no parents either and came as infants too. The next day I was talking to Ruben who has one if of the most beautiful smiles I have ever seen. I asked him how old he was and he told me he was 12. I asked how long he’d lived there and replied “Mas.” We chatted a bit more and he indicated that he didn’t remember not living there. I then realized that where Ruben currently was is the exact future that Sergio, Jessica and Max have ahead of them. Ruben is kind, smart and charismatic. He does well in the orphanage but I worry how orphanage life-skills will transfer to the real world when he finds himself on his own. Just to punctuate these conversations 30 minutes before I left the orphanage for the last time a new arrival came. A tiny baby girl who is only a couple weeks old. She arrived with no name, no family history and a tiny tumor on the bridge of her nose. Aside from that I know nothing else about her. It pained me that I wouldn’t be around to help her along the way.
Leaving on Wednesday was predictably heartbreaking for many of us. I walked into the nursery after I got back from lunch and Max was laying in his crib staring off into space. He wouldn’t look at me until I went to pick him up and he just laid his head on my shoulder. We sat together on the adult bed for a while. I told him in Spanish that I was leaving the next day. He simply responded by saying “No” and refused to leave my side until I left. The older girls and I agreed on “No chau, solamente hasta luego.” Some of them started crying which in turn led to tears from me. When it came time to leave I tried to hand Max off to one of the girls and things for him and I just fell apart.
So, what’s next? Frankly, I have no idea. Aaron and I want to pursue adopting Max, we both agree on that. The papers that make him adoptable are finally being filed by the orphanage. Because Ecuador is a Hague Adoption Convention country adoption like this will be tricky. It’s likely he could be adopted in country before we even have a chance to take a swing at it. Ecuador has greatly increased their criteria for adoption and it’s more difficult than it has been in the past. Hopefully Max catches a break here, he’s earned it. One thing that eases me into going home is the realization that I will likely be more productive in his adoption by being stateside. Reality is that there is only so much I can do with an iPad in Ecuador. It has to be mentioned that Aaron is putting a lot of trust and faith in me when I say that this little boy should be our son.
Leaving is hard, especially when I don’t know the next time I’ll be back to Macas. I could spend a very extended time in there but clearly I have a lot of work to do at home. I’ll find my way back someday.
I have to say I am a very very lucky girl. I’m lucky that my husband supports me in this insane passion to travel and get dirt under my nails. I am lucky to have amazing support from my friends. I’m lucky that my family at Hope House happily takes me in. I am so lucky to be able to go to the orphanage and spend my days there. I have been given so much more than I deserve. Lucky, lucky me.
My Return to Ecuador 